What thoughts will form in absolute solitude

Had written this a couple months before the wedding, now to contemplate if these were real or just specters formed from fear and cold feet, or out of simply missing Sat.

What thoughts exist, that can pull the mind slowly towards that abyss of uncertainty,

Thoughts asunder, the mind trapped in a mercurial repetition of chance , instances pulling tugging,

What makes human a man then?

Being given form and thought, this uncontrollable mind? Is this the point of realization , or the absolute downfall of sanity where one would find themselves crawling on bloodies knees but without any manner of will towards the eternal darkness of non existence and chaos.



How do we then define sadness, the only way to realize sadness is to define joy, but then for an instant looking into the mirror, wanting to be happy and seeing just the sadness? Is this the inevitable consequence of living?

Dreams disrupted, broken, what lies in falseness and what lies in truth now? Distinction has faded, and everything merges into one, how then can I know? To lack certainty! That is what corrupts the mind, because it is what we crave, but how do we know…



How do I define thought, and contrast it with feeling, to see this outpouring from my mind, to feel this sadness to visualize it as these thoughts form words, the feeling of absolute surrender to fate? To be cryptic even to myself, because I am afraid to recognize this sad being.

Compassion , altruism, even animals have this. I believe what instinctively would define man from beast would be on the very feral and carnal of thoughts, to indulge in these with consent, to experience to feel…maybe this is the ultimate defining point that distinguishes human, to appreciate the voice, to feel with the music,

Like a structure to rise above the ID, the ego then transcends to the superego, where appreciation would surmount displeasure.

How do we love? To become capable of love, but not just in surrender but in thought, binding uniting the souls to trust in this love to get through the darkness that one's mind will try to engulf them in.

I will ask myself what then is this, my mind's ability to reassure or trigger the very thoughts that define insanity. Is this because I cannot cry or rather because I refuse to? Why this? Why now? Lashing out in word because I am afraid of introspection? Or just afraid of looking back having found happiness? To realize happiness it is inevitable that the hidden suppressed memories that haunted us filled with the uttermost pangs of sadness that slowly eroded the soul, like bad rice now float and come to the very surface of the mind.

To accept this feeling understand the dual nature of joy and pain and to wait, wait wait…or either simply enjoy the game.

No blogging...
guess why?
Hint

जुस्त थिंकिंग ...

The title is supposed to be Just Thinking...
I have no clue why it converted it to that script!

Random conversation today with two people,

1. Florida is messed up

2. The whole world is messed up.

Me: You're right but while the whole world is messed up , we just need to find our comfort zone in which the chaos doesn't seem so chaotic.

For every part of the world, where we think that there is chaos and things are just too wrong, there are always individuals that it is perfect for!

Instantaneous Insignificance

Putting everything into perspective and looking at the age and magnitude of the universe, I am beginning to realize with stark clarity and maybe a bit of amusement, the reality of my own insignificance on this earth.

So what is it that we strive for that would make this instantaneous flash that we call life worth living?

Maybe passions, define human existence, without it we would possibly be kept in a trance.

There is the saying that everyone has a twin, maybe its because we are all really so similar, bound by the same restrictions in form, bonds, relationships.

Our genetic code , all of us, dictated by the same 4 nucleotides, why then do we impose the ego and look for differences or for a moment would dare to be blinded by the thought ’I am special’?
Then there is of course religions, invented to make us feel 'special', 'favored' less insignificant maybe?
And then who can forget Race.
Add in culture, separate, language barriers...my my we aren't drones, but nevertheless still fated to face an end.

Memory, life, after death, time uses its magic , you will be forgotten , or remembered if particularly spectacular or notorious, depending on the century, or era, the memory of you will switch sides, depending on what is popular opinion at that time or what new mystery was un-veiled.
Aristotle lost his position overnight,
Nothing is constant, Nothing is guaranteed, there is always someone or something that will prove you wrong...
Constantly, life reassures me of just how much I really do not know.
Life is life, experience it, observe it, live it other than that what else is there to do?

Rage

I was thinking about something this morning. Would unbridled rage be a defining characteristic of being human?
Why do we get angry?
Have you ever stopped yourself in the middle of almost getting angry to ask, wait a minute why am I getting angry?
What role does the brain play in this compared to the subconscious.
Thinking, storing, observing, bearing, until finally it will take no more?

The strangeness of the blog---Weirdness continues

Just as sometimes looking at old pictures and wondering,
Is that me? Or even to chance a glance in a mirror and be startled at the form. Even then so to isolate a body part like a hand and to not recognize it when focused just on that.
So too I believe is the nature of the blog.
To pen a thought, and then wonder, was that me?
It is strange to look at oneself evolving ( not necessarily for better or worse), but changing because it is a guarantee that follows every breath and thought left to wander.
To thread across this virtual world, finding stimulation, repulsion and then some, piecing together characters hidden in text, it is like the X-ray I guess. It reveals but cloaks.
The blog, it is weird but then again does sustain, causes at least churning of thoughts rather than the stagnant mind eroding.

Peaceful warrior and some other considerations

Peaceful warrior
I watched this movie a while ago and while the story was entertaining it was clichéd,
The story of the competitor who gets knocked out of the competition , and is then given time to think and realize himself/herself is abundant throughout literature and the movie world.

For the movie the ending was made to be happy which was expected.
I have actually more criticism than anything else for this movie.


Aside from the line 'take out the trash' there is also another that was mentioned in the beginning of the movie that struck me about how some are never fully awake and are dreaming, I believe that this lies in that we are mentally trapped in the fears and dreams of the past or future to not experience the present, which then supports taking out the trash.
Take out the trash to mean to remove the fears that prevent us from reaching our goals, the fears built from the criticism of one and the concern of another.

Everyone will perceive this movie differently and I have a feeling that mainly the person who has experienced the pain of injury or joy in accomplishment can possibly recognize or identify with it, so too, no two people can be expected to observe the exact same things.

However, these are some more thoughts on the movie, everyone has their own views on what humans are, in the movie we are depicted as warriors, I think that mainly we are horses since we possess great strength but much of it is not used to build ourselves since we are made to be tame by society.

In the movie his friend said:

'you ran a red light', (this was repeated)
there are signs in life that either tell us to stop-think-act or to slow down, it is when we ignore these and rush for the fleeting gold that we find ourselves thrown out of the game completely.
It is when we are recuperating and nursing our wounds that we will notice what was happening while we were speeding through life.

While speaking with a friend one day we discovered this analogy, like a horse that is trained to win because there is the promise of a treat at the end. Notice the race horse with the harness that covers his peripheral vision so that he can just see straight ahead. Too many of us will rush through life, racing and like the horse only noticing the path straight ahead, horses have peripheral vision, but society dictates what is perceived as success so we do not notice what is around us but what is right ahead instead. But what if during the race, the horse stumbles and this harness is broken so that now the peripheral vision becomes predominant and the horse notices a vast field filled with all sorts of creatures and different flora and fauna, the horse now has a choice he is seeing this field but he does not know what lies beyond, if he is very well trained he will simply get up and continue the race to get his treat since he knows that it will be at the end, but what if the horse decides to explore what may lie in the field? Everyone would say this horse is not tame, it needs to be trained, why so that it should behave like what we have decide is the right behavior for it? So too as the horse is naturally wild, so too are our spirits and our souls but too many times we become tame and simply rush for the 'treat' instead of deciding to explore what surrounds us.

There was also the bell toll throughout the movie,
a director can use this to signify change or death, I am not sure of its significance though since I have only watched this once.
It is nice to slow down sometimes and come to a complete stop, then utilize the simple
STOP-THINK-ACT

Now to contradict myself

To act without thinking is a good thing, I sometimes do this to see what is my natural state, like a particle that has no force acting upon it to see which direction it will travel in so to I just sometimes like to see what I would do. To think then gives that particle direction and it becomes impossible sometimes to see what else lies in the other directions. Also in analyzing everything there is merit. It is fun to just be completely free where thinking wouldn't be required to mingle with society; hence I think an asylum or absolute solitude may be a wonderful place to discover oneself.
I think solitude allows one the ability to meditate more because (and I know that I may sound borderline crazy here) that even if you are completely alone in a place, people leave behind their energies, and these energies have a way of being absorbed into our mental processes therefore it always feels as if I am surrounded by people even though I want to scream out for solitude.
On having all of our needs fulfilled, disjointed thoughts
I do not know what will happen if a person's mental and physical needs were satisfied. It is inherent for humans to always want or need, and at the point where it would be met, I think that the person would be at a disadvantage because then they would lose 'desire' and ‘passion’, which I think constitutes to human existence.
I have found that anger reveals a person's true nature and it is almost impossible to hide, but essentially what I mean by this is what reveals the nature is what makes them angry.
I fear both those who are sane and those who are not. I worry about the sane ones who conform without realizing why they are doing it but actually see an imposed belief as their own, in other words the brainwashed sanity and I worry about those who have actually stepped beyond the boarder of apparent reality and inflict harm on those still in it.
I sometimes wonder what will happen if there were no bible (in general religious doctrine) or concepts of good and evil, how society would be shaped. I think unfortunately there would be a lot of people who would simply step over to a path of absolute chaos.
How many would perform a good action without the promise of heaven, or how many would avoid things such as 'infidelity', 'murder', 'rape', 'theft' if there was no threat of hell.
This is a ‘what if’, that would take many years to probably even begin to uncover.

Mental Fatigue

Fatigue...I hate that word and I despise being caught in its ties, but it is here where I am.

Happy New Year

To the world that exists with the press of a button and the click of a mouse.
To the world that connects the racing minds of individuals, thoughts clustered raging finding focus in the blog, provoking thought to rush and explode in the minds of the reader and the writer...
To the world that publishes the voice of just an ordinary being, granting them the extraordinary capabilities to reach and touch deeper than physical...
To the world that will read this

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!