Remembering Mamoo Balackram

The atma is neither born nor does it die at any time, nor having been it will cease to exist again. It is unborn, eternal permanent and primeval. The Atma is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. -Bhagavad Gita 2.20

Because death is certain for the one who is born, and birth is certain for the one who dies. Therefore you should not lament over the inevitable.

All beings O Arjuna are unmanifest before birth and after death. They are manifest between birth and the death only. What is there to grieve about? -Bhagavad Gita 2. 27-28

Today is his Cremation. May he find his way Peacefully to the Supreme Lord. He lived not for himself but to help others, the true Karma Yogi. May he attain oneness with Bhagwan Krishna.

adhiyajnah katham ko ’tra
dehe ’smin madhusudana
prayana-kale ca katham
jneyo ’si niyatatmabhih

"Who is the Lord of sacrifice, and how does He live in the body, O Madhusudana? And how can those engaged in devotional service know You at the time of death?" Bhagavad Gita(8.2)

adhibhutam ksaro bhavah
purushas cadhidaivatam
adhiyajno ’ham evatra
dehe deha-bhrtam vara

"O best of the embodied beings, the physical nature, which is constantly changing, is called adhibhuta [the material manifestation]. The universal form of the Lord, which includes all the demigods, like those of the sun and moon, is called adhidaiva. And I, the Supreme Lord, represented as the Supersoul in the heart of every embodied being, am called adhiyajna [the Lord of sacrifice]."Bhagavad Gita(8.4)

anta-kale ca mam eva
smaran muktva kalevaram
yah prayati sa mad-bhavam
yati nasty atra samsayah

"And whoever, at the end of his life, quits his body, remembering Me alone, at once attains My nature. Of this there is no doubt." Bhagavad Gita(8.5)

yam yam vapi smaran bhavam
tyajaty ante kalevaram
tam tam evaiti kaunteya
sada tad-bhava-bhavitah

"Whatever state of being one remembers when he quits his body, O son of Kunti, that state he will attain without fail." Bhagavad Gita (8.6)

abhyasa-yoga-yuktena
cetasa nanya-gamina
paramam purusham divyam
yati parthanucintayan

"He who meditates on Me as the Supreme Personality of Godhead, his mind constantly engaged in remembering Me, undeviated from the path, he, O Partha, is sure to reach Me."Bhagavad Gita(8.8)

prayana-kale manasacalena
bhaktya yukto yoga-balena caiva
bhruvor madhye pranam avesya samyak
sa tam param purusham upaiti divyam

"One who, at the time of death, fixes his life air between the eyebrows and, by the strength of yoga, with an undeviating mind, engages himself in remembering the Supreme Lord in full devotion, will certainly attain to the Supreme Personality of Godhead."Bhagavad Gita(8.10)

om ity ekaksharam brahma
vyaharan mam anusmaran
yah prayati tyajan deham
sa yati paramam gatim

"After being situated in this yoga practice and vibrating the sacred syllable om, the supreme combination of letters, if one thinks of the Supreme Personality of Godhead and quits his body, he will certainly reach the spiritual planets."Bhagavad Gita(8.13)

a-brahma-bhuvanal lokah
punar avartino ’rjuna
mam upetya tu kaunteya
punar janma na vidyate

"From the highest planet in the material world down to the lowest, all are places of misery wherein repeated birth and death take place. But one who attains to My abode, O son of Kunti, never takes birth again."Bhagavad Gita (8.16)

avyaktad vyaktayah sarvah
prabhavanty ahar-agame
ratry-agame praliyante
tatraivavyakta-samjnake

"At the beginning of Brahma’s day, all living entities become manifest from the unmanifest state, and thereafter, when the night falls, they are merged into the unmanifest again." Bhagavad Gita (8.17)

OM TRYAMBAKKAM YAJAMAHE SUGANDHIM PUSTIVARDHANAM URVAROOKAMEVA BANDANAAN MRITYORMOKSHEEYA MAAMRITAAT.

OM TRYAMBAKKAM YAJAMAHE SUGANDHIM PUSTIVARDHANAM URVAROOKAMEVA BANDANAAN MRITYORMOKSHEEYA MAAMRITAAT.

OM TRYAMBAKKAM YAJAMAHE SUGANDHIM PUSTIVARDHANAM URVAROOKAMEVA BANDANAAN MRITYORMOKSHEEYA MAAMRITAAT.

Swadha.

Found a website on the mantra:

"The Mahamritunjaya mantra is from the Rig-Veda and needs initiation for attaining Siddhi. Anybody can recite this mantra and attain good health, release from bondage and other problems. This is the greatest reliever from all evils and can be recited at any time like any other Maha-mantra.

TRYAMBAKKAM refers to the Three eyes of Lord Shiva. 'Trya' means 'Three' and Ambakam' means eyes. These three eyes or sources of enlightenment are the Trimurti or three primary deities, namely Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva and the three 'AMBA' (also meaning Mother or Shakti' are Saraswati, Lakshmi and Gouri. Thus in this word, we are referring to God as Omniscient (Brahma), Omnipresent (Vishnu) and Omnipotent (Shiva). This is the wisdom of Brihaspati and is referred to as Sri Duttatreya having three heads of Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva.

YAJAMAHE: means, "We sing Thy praise".

SUGANDHIM: refers to His fragrance (of knowledge, presence and strength i.e. three aspects) as being the best and always spreading around. Fragrance refers to the joy that we get on knowing, seeing or feeling His virtuous deeds.

PUSTIVARDHANAM: Pooshan refers to Him as the sustainer of this world and in this manner, He is the Father (Pater) of all. Pooshan is also the inner impeller of all knowledge and is thus Savitur or the Sun and also symbolises Brahma the Omniscient Creator. In this manner He is also the Father (Genitor) of all.

URVAAROKAMEVA: 'URVA' means "VISHAL" or big and powerful . 'AAROOKAM' means 'Disease'. Thus URVAROOKA means deadly and overpowering diseases. The diseases are also of three kinds caused by the influence (in the negative) of the three Guna's and are ignorance (Avidya etc),falsehood (Asat etc as even though Vishnu is everywhere, we fail to perceive Him and are guided by our sight and other senses) and weaknesses (Shadripu etc. a constraint of this physical body and Shiva is all powerful).

BANDANAAM: means bound down. Thus read with URVAROOKAMEVA, it means 'I am bound down by deadly and overpowering diseases'.

MRITYORMOOKSHEYA: means to deliver us from death (both premature deaths in this Physical world and from the never-ending cycle of deaths due to re-birth) for the sake of Mokshya (Nirvana or final emancipation from re-birth).

MAAMRITAAT means 'please give me some Amritam (life rejuvenating nectar). Read with the previous word, it means that we are praying for some 'Amrit' to get out of the death inflicting diseases as well as the cycle of re-birth."

http://www.kamalkapoor.com/vedicmantras/mahamritunjayaMantra.asp

"The highest Death is the death that comes naturally and takes one to one’s Eternal Abode.

We know everything that is created will one day be dissolved, and that anyone who takes birth will also have to face death. Death is an integral part of living. How we face death will (in many ways) be decided by how we live our life.

Death forces us to let go of our mortality. We conquer Death when we let go of our mortality freely. To do that, we have to live our life free of all images. If we hold on to our self-image our entire life, it is very unlikely that we will drop that image at the time of death. If we are holding on to any image whatsoever, we will have to come back and resume our journey again.

Death is not the final abode. It is only a transmission from one form to another. To reach the Deathless State, we have to reach the Formless, and that Formless is One Without a Second. We are all drawn to that Supreme State (Moksha), because That is our Ultimate Abode. Only the nectar of Deathlessness (AMRITAM) can satisfy the thirst of our soul.

Our past karmas come to an end when we have paid all our debts. But there is one debt we can never repay, and that is our debt to the Creator who gave us the gift of Life. Ultimately, only He can release us from the endless cycle of birth, life, and death, and that He does naturally when we surrender completely to His Will.

There is no man who is the Perfect Man. Everyone has some flaw, some imperfection. The greatest height is reached only by way of the greatest humility. Old age and death humble even the mightiest. We can approach the Supreme Might only with supreme humility. For that, we need to give up our self-will."

( http://world.std.com/~aditya/The%20Mahamritunjaya%20Mantra2.htm)

I took this form the website listed below, it explains the use of the mantra and it helps one deal with death

random rant

Everything that is created can be destroyed right? Broken down into its fundamental elements. or just shifted form one form to the next like energy. Can we really destroy?
I was thinking about the destructive nature of man, and what we fight over.

Superstitions and Death

Know how they say there is always a sign or signal...
My mom's brother died today, he had a stroke about 2.5 years ago and he didn't quite recover. I pray now that he is at peace and no longer in any kind of pain and happier.
I never really knew my uncle, but from what my mom said he was a very kind and generous person who would do anything to help others. Sometimes we are so stubborn that we fail to appreciate life until we see the pain that death brings.

Strange thing is that a couple days ago my mom was commenting on the roses in our front yard, they were in full bloom and very beautiful.
My aunt had come earlier that day and say that roses are a bad plant because the thorns prevents angels from entering the house ( it is accepted in our family that my aunt is more than a bit looney btw).
Anways back to the roses, so a couple days ago my mom commented on it and then said that rose plants never agreed with her family because their rose plant was in full bloom 33 years ago when her father died, she also said that all her family members die at Christmas. ( I told her that she has to stay with me forever, so don't even think about dying at christmas or anytime ever!)
So we were all thinking about it and then said wait up though, I had put miracle grow in the roses about a week ago, and Bami said that she had put rose food, so of course they would be in full bloom, all of the flowers would be blooming.
And another point on the roses was that my uncle was not well( he could've been better but in Guyana medicine isn't at its most advanced, which I think is horrible, he coul've been better!), ,so why see the roses as a sign for death.
So we mused about it some more and bami commented that well the roses bloom for the departed soul, people put roses on graves, so the roses bloomed for the soul. This explanation really made my mom feel better, and I like thinking of it that way too.

Anyways, I just got to thinking about the entire idea of superstitions and stuff.

reinforcing my point...on limitless stupidity

A woman and her boyfriend fighting over a cell phone, to end the argument she swallowed it and almost choked to death...now isn't that smart!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10594017/
for your reading amusement

One wonders why she couldn't just throw the damn phone against a wall or something if she didn't want him to get it, or stomp on it at least. Then again why thow it when you can swallow it!
I wonder, did he call the paramedics so that they can save her or recover the phone?

Stupidity has no limits

We it turns out that we can sue someone else for our own incompetence

' ...The coffee crisis happened Nov. 12 after she and a friend pulled out of a Forest Ave. Dunkin Â’ Donuts drive-through and headed to a strip mall across the street. When the pal tried to park, lids on two cups came off, causing 200-degree java to spill and soak through her jeans, her lawyer said.'

while she at it she should sue her friend for his bad driving
sue the jeans company for not making heat resistant jeans
and sue her parents for making a stupid offspring...who would rest hot coffee on their laps and if she was holding the container as she claimed then how in hell did it spill...and how come it was her feet burnt and not her lap or leg, we would think that in falling the very very hot coffee would've at least trickled down her leg before making one big splash on her feet? Furthermore how come there were no burns on her hands? Seriously if hot coffee was falling on me I think that I'd at least try to grab the cups ( getting burns on my hands) instead of letting it leap out of the cup holders and land only on my feet to give me 3rd degree burns. And 2 cups of coffee fell and only one foot got burnt? Maam can you show the coffee stains in your friend's car?

what this is? without a doubt this moron carefully poured the coffee on herself. Instead of suing dunkin doughnuts she should sue herself for coming up with such a stupid plan.
instead of caution hot beverage printed on BOTH their lids and cups dunkin doughnuts should change it to we are not liable for your stupidity--this beverage is very hot (hot means it can burn you STUPID!!!)

Why I love poetry

Edmund Spencer- Amoretti

He wrote this book of poems 'Amoretti' for his new bride. Amoretti literally translates into 'little loves'.
look at the way he immortalizes his love for her in poetry. By writing his love in poems , it shall be renewed over and over again as the verses are read century to century by scholars and lovers.


SONNET. LXXV.
ONE day I wrote her name upon the strand,
but came the waves and washed it away:
agayne I wrote it with a second hand,
but came the tyde, and made my paynes his pray.
Vayne man, sayd she, that doest in vaine assay,
a mortall thing so to immortalize.
for I my selue shall lyke to this decay,
and eek my name bee wyped out lykewize.
Not so, (quod I) let baser things devize,
to dy in dust, but you shall live by fame:
my verse your vertues rare shall eternize,
and in the heavens wryte your glorious name.
Where whenas death shall all the world subdew,
our love shall live, and later life renew.

A pic is worth a million words...two millon words if you add words to it!

Beowulf

saw today on msn that they are making a Beowulf movie! (I love Beowulf, ...can you tell?) Yes!
finally someone recognises the wonderful epic elements.
angelina jolie is set to star in this movie. Interesting
I can hardly wait! its set to release Nov 23rd 2007. looonng wait:(
for those of you who d not know what beowulf is , here's a useful site
beowulf

tis the season to be jolly

Finals are over, projects are over! 2005 is almost over! Christmas is almost here! And a New Year is approaching!

stitch's bowl

Actually I thought about that while I was walking from the store after having purchased the bowl. I wondered if maybe it was too small for stitch and I wondered if I should release him into a river so that he can be happy. I thought about a life trapped in a bowl, solitary with no other species of your kind, no family, no friends , no one else like you, no one to communicate with, no one to love. And then I considered this world and people in it and how some of us actually put ourselves in that small bowl and never leave to explore the huge world, we are always trapped in the confines of our home or within five miles of our neighborhood. However unfortunately for stitch he has no choice and I feel extreme guilt for keeping him in there, but I do not know if river conditions are suitable for him.

stitch's new bowl...he likes!!!!

blogs blogs blogs

Okay this morning was cold, so I decided to waltz into the bookstore to purchase a sweater. I waltzed right back out (upon seeing the prices, you would swear that the sweaters came with a built in back massager!), I figured hey its Florida I'm pretty sure that I won't die of pneumonia, however I have started sneezing quite a bit since this morning.
Hey nice song is on AOL radio ...Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away, this year December frontiers???* I'll give it to someone special'...

I'll give it someone special....That's you BD! Ha hah (that is if I had a heart!)
okies Bubbie I know that you will be ready to pop my head over that one but this morning when I called you to complain about bookstore prices you tell me to blog it that you woulda read it because you were to busy listening to lelia:(, so now I have to choice but to give all love and cheer to a certain person whose name rhymes with butter;)

What is with blogging now?
Is this the newest advance in communication technology? No more actual conversation. I have to blog something in order to communicate with a sister that I share a room with?

I had stuff to say, but I have forgotten, an immunology exam this morning already fried my brain cells. Andrew called on Monday to inform me about the exam today, I was yeah yeah, then he called back yesterday to inform me that chapters 21 and 22 will be on the exam as well, still yeah yeah, this morning at 10:30 am, I met him on my way to class...he was talking about all sorts of autoimmune diseases etc, I was still wondering oh Shit! Is the exam today!
take a wild guess how well my exam went!
So Sunday is my brother's b-day, I have my French final on Sunday. Now doesn't that just suck?Why is there a final on Sunday? How incredibly rude of those people. I hope that I get cake before I go because if I know myself I'll rush through the exam just so that I can run home and get cake!
the good thing about finals? I have a valid excuse for not attending two b-day parties this weekend! Yes!

Someone asked me, why do you celebrate Christmas...Well duh!!! A free present! Wouldn't you?
actually it is such a happy time, you just can't help it...

We are going to get a bigger Christmas tree tonight (artificial! I love my environment, do not condone the murder of real trees for cosmetic purposes)
I love decorating the tree!
damn it AOL radio just shut off again!
this is driving me Nucking Futs!
Firstly in order to sign into AOL I had to open firefox because AOL browser wasn't working and then it took about 10 attempts to sign into AOL music.

saw on AOL news some Asshole (this time a Belgian woman) became a suicide bomber, she failed, ended up just blowing up herself. Suits her right, justice was done. I think that she needed her head checked. On AOL the reported said' no one is immune' my question: immune from what the brainwashing stupidity?
My view:
Only a completely psychotic moron would ever believe that they are fighting a jihad, when no one has done anything to them and then Detonate a bomb if it is strapped to oneself.
any questions?

Also noted that South Africa is legalizing gay marriages...hmm
no real thoughts on that one, just noted it.

well on a more brighter note :
there is a version of pachebel's cannon called Christmas cannon, it is wonderful!
well thats enough babbling for now, my back hurts, gonna go hunt for some coffee...

*[ohhh its ' to save me from tears! not December frontiers' LOL]

chivilary...Isn't it awesome!

You know on some days when you do not feel so great about yourself it is the simplest gestures that can make one feel very happy.
yeah I guess that I am girly girl :D sometimes when a smile form a handsome stranger actually works wonders (especially when your hair is rebelling against ya) and a kiss and hug from an old friend even when you're dripping wet and crabby can work wonders. (Thanks Joe!)

Like when you are so late for class and frustrated trying to balance laptop, bookbag , purse and coffee, and wearing heels! and a stranger rushes ahead of you to open the door.
In contrast what I do not get about some people is their absolute refusal to open doors for others and simple task like that. This guy thinks (I am actually thinking of a real person , selfish dude actually) that he's so smart, I wonder if he realises that brains aren't all that it takes? The manly man (yeah right! caveman more like! The grunting a big bad wof isn't in. nor the queer little asshole who is such a nerd that (okay I'll stop on that one;)))
Who knows maybe I am shallow but attitude can turn a frog into a prince and even a Brad Pitt into the biggest loser.
I like having a door opened for me and guess what I do open doors for others and will even wait for the person to come through as well.
Once in New York, I smiled at an old man and said hello, he got angry and asked me what was so good about life that I should smile...
well what reason is there to NOT SMILE?
Today in starbucks the kid asked me about the malt in my coffee, if its good ( I am an addict). you betcha!
Hey try this, keep a straight face and then smile , you can actually feel your self become less tense, it is good for your soul. See how naturally the smile comes ...or if you are reading this smile for me:)
I will smile at an absoulte stranger, Isn't it fun to make small talk with someone in a long line rather than bitch about the length of the line.
Do you ever wonder how a simple action on your path can brighten the day of some passer by and mansifest a little bit of magic into a boring day?
I probably sound like a ditzy teenager, who knows maybe I am.

As a note: I mean chivilary in the broadest sense of the word, as just a simple act of 'niceness' from one human to another, it has nothing really to do with gender roles here

virology class II

take home message from virology class today :
teacher to class:

' you are all really dum, thing is try not to show it' :P ...on our exam taking skills! ha hah

as I told a kid this morning, I am not sure if I'll go to class , I only go there to amuse myself:D

philosophy 101!

D'accord!
This actually works! try it :D
Tow real life examples:
Vami decided to venture into the uncharted terriory in the kitchen that is called a stove and she decied to cook, strategy here:
---she never gets asked to cook again:P

Second case:
I had been given 10 tiny cell vials to label, well since I was bored and had time to kill I took the little sharpie and labelled them in my prettiest and most legible handwriting....
Next day i walk into lab and there is about 125 tiny vials to label with 4 different sets of instructions...so go figure:P

Why do they try to kill me broke?

So this morning I realised that I had forgotten to post a book to a kid, I go into the post office and give the book to the lady. $11.95 to NY, I am like say what? You've got to be kidding , book rate? She then looks at me stupidly, book rate, You didn't say so. I ask her why now? It is a book isn't it? Then she is rude enough to tell me 'yeah its Monday morning for you' to which I couldn't help myself I ask 'yeah its Monday do you know where your brain is?' I think that I pissed her off even more because she still charged me an exorbitant price to mail the book, had I gone to a real post office and not this stupid university post office I am sure that I would not be ripped off, plus I am pretty sure that they would not have taken half an hour to figure out the price:S yeah university students and simple math, aren't we just the creme de la creme! I dunno why everything on campus is inflated to 250% of the normal price! You should check out the bookstore...they probably laugh so hard at us after we leave
Well you can tell that finals are nearing because there are hardly any computers available and almost everyone has MSword open as they are trying to rush those term papers, myself included. I got an assignment today to write down all the protocols for cell culture...geezums!
take home French exam is due today, ha watch me get a B! This will be embarrassing but hey I tried my best, I considered cheating a bit and using google's translation tool but I figured hey the exam is already take home, at least I should attempt it by myself and see if I can learn something. (it took me 2 hours to write a 200 word French essay on a weekend at the beach:(...Foreign languages are definitely not my specialty. if I fail then I will be happy knowing that I least I did it by myself and gave it a shot (not my best shot but still a shot:D)
so now onto my protocols. For cell culture firstly it is a pain in the ass, you have to keep your self at least 6 inches under the hood in UV light (great now my DNA will for thymine diamers and mutate). Secondly you have to be fast and precise...Listen I can hardly talk and walk at the same time how am I supposed to do that?
hmm I am thinking that I would have to come up with something a little bit more sensible than that to turn into my professor.
well anyway lemme wrap up here and find a corner to review my French paper.

pic of *collectible quaker oats can* :D and Raj's new deck of cards

Yeah I have nothing better to do:D
thats my homework station. The yellow phone is a phone I got for $10 off e-bay when cingular refused to replace my old phone after it fell and broke in half. But about the other stuff,
I was not aware that there were scissiors and stuff there!

You know on Toshiba's user's manual it states how to avoid injury with your computer: One thing was to not sit on your ass all day in front of it :D. They were right! I think I'm paralysed now from sitting here all day:( and the subluxation in my back has gotten worse (chiropracter claims that I have one , I think he's has a moron---for other undiscolosed reasons). Just took a very long hot shower ( was avoiding it actually but decided on it to sorta use the hot water as a massager :D). So I guess bathing has its merits afterall:).

*All Fours* No, not what you peverts think , but yes it is a game

Vami introduced Raj to the world of all fours and he just came over with a fresh new pack. we just played a couple games, I lost because Vami and Raj cheated, she told him my cards and he didn't obey trump rules:(...
Now this is a pretty interesting game, you use the cards almost as if they were pieces on a chess board, and isn't it mad fun to 'hang jack' of someone you don't like. you gotta know the game to know what that means! they say you 'call out the jack' with a higher trump card and 'hang em high!'
Memories, I learned this game in high school, we would skip our classes (economics mainly...you couldn't pay me to attend that class, the teacher was boring and not a pretty sight (I'm trying to be nice but she used to scare me) and hang out in the elcetrical science classroom ( where all the 'cool' ie non geeks hung out playing this.)
I remember getting caught once, the vice principal told me to report myself to the dean. Eh? Am I really that stupid to report myself to the dean and give myself suspension for a week? Instead I called upon my math teacher and I talked him into claiming that I was with him all lunch hour studying (in case anyone asked) :D
Ah! The thrill of youth, cards were forbidden in high school, that made it all the more enjoyable to play. All fours was especially banned because of the fights that would break out and the gambling that would take place.
At the time when we should have been studying for our CXC exams I busied myself learning all the strategies of the game, well Chess was not forbidden, I had learned that around the same time too, but since the 'cool' people hung out at the all fours table that was where I was at:D..yeah once I wanted to be with the in crowd. Now my friends think that I'm weird since I do not care to be cool or "in" anymore, although I still think that this game is wicked cool! It requires the skill and tactics of chess, but its a lot more exciting! I remember coming home and teaching the game to my bro and sis they loved it! But guess what , playing cards was banned in my house ( because its bad luck). Nevertheless I had talked my father into buying me a deck of cards, we played hidden for weeks until my mom found out, she wanted to burn the cards. Finally we decided upon a compromise ~ we could play cards as long as it was in the patio and not in the house:D...Ey worked for me!
Finally mom banned the game for good because my cousin and bro couldn't accept the fact that bami and I were just clever players and they insisted that we had cheated and marked the cards...well the queen of hearts did have a slight white mark on it (I Swear though we didn't put it there, I was just sly enough to notice that it was, along with some other flaws on a few cards)
FYI ALL FOURS
rules of the game: RULES allfours

family chats

Tomorrow is thanksgiving so everyone is relaxed tonight, sitting together freezing watching the news. Suddenly my father decided to put in his part of the discussion. 'Ey allyuh guess what I have a collectible Quaker oats can!. Say what??????? I promptly spat out my diet mountain dew and laughed so hard that I almost choked. My mom looked as if she was going to pop (she was laughing so much) Why would I want an empty Quaker oats can even if it is collectible?

Oops I had completely forgotten to post this. Well the end of my four day weekend is here and I am actually on top of everything even though I wasted 3.5 days just chilling (trust me a much needed break from this world). I am slightly depressed by the realization that I must go into lab tomorrow. Maybe with my music and head banging knocked out a few screws from my head and transported me back to that period where I see myself standing at a great precipice. Problem is that I did step over that precipice and now I feel like a stranger looking at that girl who had made the wrong turn. I do not feel any connection to that girl. I guess that my apathy has spread to even my heart, where I do not experience actual emotions anymore. A long while ago I had embraced a resolution to not care about what the world thinks, so far this has kept me going strong, Although, sometimes I am pulled back into the smoldering cloud of society and I become disturbed by an opinion.
Sometimes I wonder about my sanity, I think that maybe I am slightly insane, and the incredible part about it is that I do not want to fix it. I am happy with the way I am.
I wonder what exactly happiness is. I do believe that I am happy, yet I can only experience an emotion for a short while and then like a whisper it disappears. I wonder what it would feel like to rise above everything else and be unaffected.
I do not know myself, and I do nott think that I would care to. Like a diamond, everyone sees a different face, yet it is essentially the same carbon core. We all put worth on a diamond why? Because it shines but what exactly is the purpose? The only useful doe not shine! I am an entity, but sometiwouldn't you just want to be a cloud of smoke? Not solid, not concrete, not bound to the ties of this world? So many ropes can tie a being down. When we want to think a thought why do we stop ourselves, when we want to write down that thought why we are then afraid ourselves?
Hmm I better wrap up this now and get back to the boring facets of reality.

my nanny and nana

Today I finally saw a pic of my grandfather, my mother's father. I had never seen his picture before and I still cannot believe that it is him. I waited on my mom to come home from work in order to verify that the man in the pic was my grandfather. When my mom came home, I showed her the picture on my pc and she said yes that is daddy. My uncle had this pic for ages now at the family house in Guyana, my mom had moved to Trinidad and married my dad and well we never had a pic, he had refused to make copies of the pic and distribute it. Today his daughter sent the pic to my bro via e-mail. For that I am grateful. It was the first time my dad saw a pic of him too. he asked to see it twice! Yeah this pic is a really big deal for us. Now I feel a little bit more grounded, instead of a fruit just hanging from a branch, now I have more stability to a family tree:D. My mom doesn't talk much about her parents( I wish she would!) however my dad likes to sit us down and give us all the stories from his childhood ( I love those!)

WILL Post my dad's mom and dad pic here as soon as I get it.
I never knew any grandparent, but I am eternally grateful that I have my parents:D. I remember the day my nanny died, I didn't cry or anything because I didn't know her, but when my mom came home and my dad told her, I started to cry when I saw how much my mom started crying. It was probably the first time that I ever really saw my mom cry.

The Filght that Fought Back

I was just watching a documentary on discovery channel, yeah the tears are building, it is The Flight that Fought Back.
In the letter from the king of all idiots Osama to his minions he wrote sharpen you weapon so that the slaughter is fast and you do not cause distress. Distress? it said remember that you are on a mission for God? Screw which idiot without an inkling of sanity would think that killing is not distress, and that he is doing God's will?! Yeah humanity now? What the hell? What about all the people who were roasted alive in that hellish inferno. Idiots!, no worse than that they are the worst of the scum on the earth, they are the feces of the feces eating bacteria. That is what they are. Yeah the airlines had a job to do and the security was not tight enough but look at the animals that boarded that flight! My God were they even humans? The documentary showed that idiot learning martial arts moves so that he can kill in small space. Its self defense fool, you don't learn things like that to kill people. What God would ever praise such killing? He attended flight school and learned to laugh and joke with the rest of the students so that he doesn't seem suspicious. He learned to laugh? Look at the mindset of a killer, take a look into mind of a psychopath.
You know what, so what if Americans sometimes drink and smoke, even under intoxication they don't go out and kill people like some rabid lunatic. Imagine these killers were not intoxicated. Yeah but guess what they were brainwashed...On that I shall say no more.
Now looking at the people that fought back. True soldiers, they knew that they were going to die yet they fought back to save others from a bigger calamity.
In the documentary they showed a short clip into each of the lives of those passengers onboard.
you cannot watch this documentary without feeling the strongest pangs of sorrow just ripping out at your heart. Yeah idiots for all your training civilians beat ya! Matyrs ? You know what SCREW YOU! you're a rabid Suicide Killer. Rabid thats the word! Rabid and rotting thats your mind. Yeah die and go to heaven, I hope that your seventy two virgins chop your organ into 72 pieces and feed it to you!

animal cruelty

Saw this story on AOL.
Picture 1: Sir Idiot tries to domesticate a wild animal by beating it. Now think which creature is more wild, the man or the the cub, how about someone knocks him upside the head over and over again so that he can be domesticated. It appears that he is more primitive that even the cubs. Picture 2: the cubs are tied to a fence, their mother died and the owner bought them off poachers. ( Question ,why are there still poachers?)

In a nutshell : This fool of a restaurant owner in Ethiopia forces the cubs to fight so that he can amuse the village kids. U.S. troops ["...The Djibouti-based task force provides intelligence-gathering help to countries in the region, tries to bolster cooperation and border protection, and mounts humanitarian projects aimed at improving the U.S. military's image among Muslims."] found the animals, the one on the right is blinded and gave them medical care and offered to fly the cubs back to errrrr SAFETY, but the absolute idiot refuses to let the cubs go. Please do note: there are wild life laws there but somehow this muddleheaded moron is above them???? No man we gotta keep our image up and be nice to this idiot even if he is the bigger animal (ignore literal meaning).
He utterly refuses to hand them over unless he is paid. I cannot believe that animals like this (NOT THE CUBS, think restaurant owner) exist. This unbelievable moron has an opportunity to turn the cubs in so that they can get medical treatment and do something good (probably for the first time in his life) and he refuses. He has no at all respect for the animals. My suggestion slap the stupid idiot and take the animals from him, there is a wildlife law after all in Ethiopia, so uphold the damn thing! Or wait when we say wildlife , do they mean protect the idiots?
I saw a poster up in school once which showed a pic of a man beating an animal and it said if he can do this he can also do this ---> the other pic showed him beating his family.
Yeah there is animal cruelty all over the world, but how about at least spare these two? You cannot change anything unless if someone tries right?
yeah yeah yeah, I used harsh language, so what? obviously diplomacy has failed with this fool so lets do things in a way he understands.
here is the link for those of you who wish to read a more civil version
http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20051125090009990003&ncid=NWS00010000000001

remembering nemo and porgito

Sometimes we never realise how much even a little creature can mean to us. Today nemo and porgito died. I think that it was because of high chlorine in their water. I had changed their water and put in the conditioner, but I guess that it wasn't enough for the little fishies. nemo was a little survivor, I was always scared for little nemo, she had this habit of floating upside down for no reason, and then she would flip over and swim normally so when I saw little nemo floating upside down I was startled but I still tried to get her to respond, however the tears came rushing when I looked up and saw porgito floating in the tank. Poor porgito, I used to go up to their tank and make kisses and sing to them (porgito used to dance:D). These little souls meant so much to me.
today shivy came by (little 3yr old couz, he came into my room insisting that nemo and porgito were hungry, he knows porgito by name, I told him no shivy you cannot feed them, if you feed them too much they will die. the poor kid insisted so much he said please just a little bit so I gave in and said okay shivy just a little bit. that was the last time they were fed, after I had put them into the water, I thought twice about feeding them since they had eaten earlier. I used to just stare at them whenever I was home alone, I would just go and look at them, each one with their own sweet personality, porgito was a brave pudgy little guy, nemo the crazy little pretty fish that kept to herself. I miss them. my brother just came home, he walked into the kitchen and asked where are the fishes, vami told him that they are in the fridge (we will bury them tomorrow) he asked why are they in the fridge. he couldn't believe that they are dead.
I guess that these little darlings were loved by everyone in the house.
The little red guy in the pic is stitch, he was put into a seperate tank because of his habit of hitting porgito in the head. the pic was taken on divali night, I was taking pics of all family members :), I still remember blowing bubbles in their tank with a straw after we lost power for the hurricane. Thankfully little stitch survived, I guess because he's a beta and the conditioner is best for betas, I am sure that stitch misses his buddies porgito and nemo.


The pic with shivy was taken the day after nemo and porgito died. The inncoence of a child, he did not want to believe me when I said that they had died. When he had figured that no one was looking and he stole this chair as silently as alittle 3 year old can and went searching for nemo and porgito:(

ready to rock, ready to roll! life here I come

I am thinking about how music can heal...
listening to HEART (for those of you who do not know, HEART performed the chartbusters 'all I wanna do is make love to you', 'alone' and 'these dreams':D )and its taking me back to a period in my life before a not so good relationship. It is like how the computer has a restore point, so too music is able to take the mind back to a point before any kind of trauma and start afresh. I have had two days off and of course my professors saw to it that I would have enough work to occupy my time with, but I have had the most wonderful time listening to my ROCK and ROLL and headbanging here by myself...good thing for speakers however unfortunatley for the other members of my household they have to put up with me screaming lyrics at the top of my lungs...I am remembering those days when I used to take long showers and scream out the lyrics to Heart's alone:D...
then my life changed and I guess singing and living ceased. nandini was no more but instead a pliable creature was born, one who could be moulded to listen and fit into the life of another...
ah how I wish that the volume on this computer were more loud, I want to be consumed completely in it!

According to shaggy

To be a true playah, yuh haffie know how to play:D...True
(please don't confuse the names of those you're playing;))
elaboration on phone conversations try to avoid names when talking,
on messenger conversations if you must use names at least look at the window before typing.
and most important never call the wrong name when in person..Names like honey, babe darling etc etc were invented to avoid such mishaps;)

and if caught always remember...IT WASN'T ME

he heh...love this song

Sweat baby, sweat baby, sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch, you want it rough, you're out of boundsI want you smothered,
want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns
Coming quicker than Fed Ex, never reach an apex
Just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined To make me rise an hour early just like daylight savings time (do it now)
You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel (do it again now) You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel (gettin' horny now)
Love, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt, only God knows where we stuck it,
Hieroglyphics, let me be Pacific, I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean Means "Small Craft Advisory"
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide B-5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on, I'm Mr. Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours, I'll show you mine, "Tool Time"
You'll Lovelett just like Lyle And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"
(do it now) You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel (do it again now)
You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammalsSo let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel (gettin' horny now)
You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel (do it again now)
You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel (do it now)You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammalsSo let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel (do it again now)You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammalsSo let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel (gettin' horny now)

Blood hound gang-‘The Bad Touch’

he he the lyrics are outta this world

Just babbling...Waiting for immunology class

starbucks has started serving its Christmas blend ( aromatic and delicious with a hint of cinnamon and other Christmas spices;) ) yummy, a must have for coffee drinkers.
also why not ask for a shot of malt in your coffee the next time you seem to waltz into starbucks. Not only does it add an extra coziness to the taste but it also gives you a packing load of B vitamins.
Finally there is need for a light sweater in Florida.
Today is a beautiful day, its calm, I feel like a solitary figure looking at the world.
why is this thing seeming like a journal entry and not a blog?
well so far the morning is fresh and I haven't observed much to think on or write on.
I met vishal this morning, he compared me to a macaroni ( in that another girl seemed like a spaghetti ...Interesting although according to vami I'm more like a ziti .
FAU houses some weird students.
This kid has peeked into my cubicle about ten times so far? note to all you guys, if you must check out a girl don't make it too obvious... A smile and slight stare will suffice, you don't have to keep on leaning back in your chair peeking, I guess that I must seem like an amusing specimen or maybe someone that he knows. Ah the ever popular icebreaker...Do you have the time? Sure let me check my phone...Ah can I have your number? NOT smooth! Ha hah...
okay kid is probably wondering why is this girl staring at me...She must be a weirdo (KID HOW TRUE)...Now onto breaking the mood with a growling stomach that scares the life outta kid so he gets back to his studying:D he heh

1. Interesting factoid: Sabin polio vaccine: grown in monkey kidney cells , therefore it is attenuated to grow only in those conditions, it needs factors from monkey's kidney's cells to survive, so if I inject you with this virus, your antibodies will recognise the epitopes of the virus and memory cells will multiply but you will not be infected unless you happen to have monkey kidney cells;)

2. Tb vaccine must be given a booster every 10 years...now why do HMO's refuse to pay for this?

Upon entering immunology class I learn 2 things:
1. Hartman experienced diarrhea last night that shifted his immune system to the TH 2 subset because of bacterial infection from his dinner.
2. A flu shot will fix his immune system back to the TH1 subset

Harry Potter

Ever since the first movie was released, I have been caught in the magical world of Hogsworth. The first time I saw Harry potter, my dad and I watched it three times in one weekend. It was incredible and well made. The special effects just got better with each movie. Harry potter is just one of those movies that you must drop everything you're doing and watch. It draws you in like a magic rope, snaring the viewer, spinning them into the surreal realm of wizards and witches.

There is so much in this movie that just draws on human emotions, the innocence of Potter, the friendship and bond between the three outcast friends, the plot that keeps you snared and chained to your seat while you are completely bound to a 2.5 hour long movie. They used children in the movie , right there they captured the audience, to have a young orphan facing all kinds of wizardy and magic. I was so afraid for Harry with his innocent face and his little friends, you just learn to love these kids, they are adorable.

It brings a sadness too in that you want to be a child and stay in this world where wizardy is possible and magic reigns instead of growing up and being stuck in the world of the muggles where there are jobs that drive you insane, classes that kill you slowly and people that just cannot dream.

I saw the movie over a month now, and I am finally finishing this post:D. During that time I have caught about each of the first three movies at least twice. re-watching these movies you catch subtle things everytime that were made comprehensible by seeing the sequels and you just learn to like the movies more each time!

I cannot wait to see the next movie!

Eminen

have you ever heard the lyrics to the songs from this little creep?
one song in particular made me wonder what kind of a psychotic sociopath this guy is.
he sings a song about women, calling them bitches and whores.


makes me wonder, do guys look at women as just that?
as some object to simply fuck and then be done with?
are they aware that women are no longer just pretty dolls that they can play with?
that we do in fact walk, talk, breathe and guess what THINK!
I am thinking about a scenario
Mr overstressed is driving home form work, he is thinking about his pregnant girlfriend and how in hell is he going to afford a baby. He puts on our glorified eminen's Cd and listens to him babble on nonsesne lyrics...his mind goes back to emine's video of Dido and him and he conjures up a plan...next song helps him further realise that women are just bitches and whores so he pulls into his driveway, steps out takes his magnum, walks up to his bitch and pops her one in the head. why? she's replacable anyway, just another whore who got herself pregnant.

eminen was divorced...I wonder why?

lesson in virology class 11-17-05

NK (natural killer) cells are known as the snipers of the immune system, they are born killers.
Now in virology class my teacher is describing the non-specific killing in NK cells.. he asks,
can you indiscrimnately kill somebody? try it! ( can you believe this Guy). then he say's no first you must choose and kill hence we have the CTL's ( cytoxic T cells that are specific as to the cells that they kill).
he then makes a comparison between the NK cells and the CTL's; how will you kill a rabbit? one shot with a cannon or with a pellet gun? cannon is good because yeah now we know that rabbit is dead, but there will be no more rabbit either and a big mess, similarily NK cells if activated to start killing will destroy all other cells...Aha , if they recognise MHCI molecule on target cell they will not kill because they recognise it as self so do not be scared (all nucleated cells have MHCI). so moral of story, specific cell killing with CTL's are better than non-specific killing with NK cells. and if you wanna kill a rabbit do not use a canon.

too bad the kid whose head kept on bobbing because he was sleeping in class when teacher spoke all this hardly caught onto any of the humor or morals learned.
...me? I'm just an observer

Now my analogy:
body:society
NK cells :terrorist ( non specific natural born killers)
MHCI molecule-you belong to a certain sect or religion that saves you since you are now recognised as self ...all other cells you better express this molecule or die!
CTL's : government and law ( recognises the bad cells/ people and trys to get rid of them...however as with auto immune diseases, these cells screw up and destroy the body/society)

a flaw in my analogy...NK cells can protect the body upon infection...I do not see any usefulness in terrorists

a bothersome experience

One minute we were laughing with each other and then we entered the room...
one by one I helped him pick them up by their tails, an put them in the chamber, the walls were painfully clear. They looked perfectly healthy to me, they did not know, we spread white paper on the base and put them in about 10 at a time. the room looked like an ordinary storage room, but the ominious gas line running above gave it the air of a morgue. the little rats started playing with each other and with a deft expression he slowly turned on the gas. with a face, pallid as death itself he explained that he gives a high dose of the carbon dioxide because they die faster and struggle less. they did not struggle, their playing slowed down and then they stretched out and lay dead, we left the gas on until the last little leg had stopped twitching. it was over, they were dead, all of them, laying on top of each other. It was unbelievable, one minute they were just playing and the next they lay still...Death. In the room there was a huge walk in chamber, I asked himw aht was it for, he said he did not know. I wondered what if someone has pushed me into that chamber and had turned on that gas, would I have died as peacefully? I doubt it.
we put the bodies in a black trash bag and walked out of the room, I thought a lot about the selection process earlier that day, I wondered about the randomness of this world.
walking away from the refrigator, I can still see those little wihite bodies , still soft lying on top of one another

gulliver's travel's 'A voyage into the country of the houyhnhnms'

Gulliver's travels is a wonderful book that satirizes human nature . Read the parts in bold to see what I mean. Maybe then I can entice you to read the book.


Jonathan Swift is renowned for his very satirical style of writing. His essays and novels are mainly satires about European society. One such book is Gulliver’s Travels. Gulliver’s Travels is divided into four parts in which Swift mock certain aspects of human behavior. The fourth part of Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels, “A Voyage into the Country of the Houyhnhnms” is about a man (Gulliver) who finds himself in a society governed by horses (Houyhnhnms) and plagued with horrific creatures (Yahoos). In this story Swift satirizes human pride, greed and treachery.
Human pride is a major theme in the story however, it is ridiculed by Swift. The Yahoos are vile and hideous creatures, yet they believe that they are beautiful. Gulliver’s master (a Houyhnhnm) states, “…the Yahoos were known to hate one another mores than they did any different species of animals; and the reason usually assigned, was the odiousness of their own shapes, which all could see in the rest, but not in themselves.” This statement shows human vanity and their instinctual dislike for any creature they think are not as beautiful as themselves. Swift draws a parallel between the Yahoos who are repulsive and the nobility in his society who are described as having a “…weak, diseased body, a meager countenance and sallow complexion…”
The Houyhnhnms are the opposites of the Yahoos. They reflect an ideal because they live a simple life and are ignorant of human vices. However they depict pride because they consider themselves better than Gulliver and refuse to accept or acknowledge the concept of anything outside of their norm. Excessive pride is shown in their mating habits since they are extremely careful to choose a mate that “…will not make any disagreeable mixture in the breed.” Gulliver himself shows his pride when he refuses to be seen as a Yahoo and thinks of his fellow men as Yahoos. He tries to be like the Houyhnhyms whom he also sees as ideal and perfect creatures.
A contrast between the Yahoos and the Houyhnhnms is that they live to satisfy their wants and needs respectively. The Houyhnhnms live simply and eat a very simple diet of oats and milk in order to sustain them. However the Yahoos are gluttonous creatures and gorge themselves on any rotting meat or food they can find. The master says, “ For if you throw among five Yahoos as much food as would be sufficient for fifty, they will, instead of eating peaceably, fall together by the ears, each single one impatient to have all to itself…” He (the master) also points out that the yahoos fight over a stone that is abundant in the country yet they cannot have enough.(remind you of how we act over useless gems)
The Houyhnhnms compare the greed and excessiveness of the Yahoos to the people in Gulliver’s society. Swift ridicules the people of his own society and their want for the ‘exotic’. The gluttony of the Yahoos could be compared to the fussiness of the nobility who do not eat to satisfy their needs but instead demand exotic and elaborate dishes to please their palette. Another parallel is drawn with the stone that the Yahoos collect to that of a diamond. The stone is pretty but has no real value when it comes to being useful in aiding the livelihood of the Yahoos. Nevertheless they are greedy and want all the stones that they can find because it is coveted amongst them. Similarly a value can be seen as useless because it only holds monetary value and the only reason people want a lot of it is because it is attractive and sought after.
In his explanation of his native land, Gulliver states the unfairness of the law because men in authority use it to fulfill their own selfish means in becoming richer. Swift satirizes the lawyers and affirms their greed by saying that the profession is very unjust and they do not protect morals and virtue but in fact tries to debilitate the virtues in society. He says that a lawyer can be bribed (which is most often the case) and that the only reason they will refuse a bribe is if it contradicted the evils of their profession and made them actually fight for justice. In satirizing the lawyers he (Swift) also ridicules his society because they have forged the law to satisfy their own greed because they can use it to steal the riches of another in the name of justice.
Treachery is a rather unfortunate drawback to human nature. We see a definite contempt of human treachery when the master of the house compares the behaviors of the Yahoos to the people in Gulliver’s society. The master of the house, (a Houyhnhnm) believes that Gulliver has “said the thing which is not” (lied) when he explains his about society and the murderers in it. The Houyhnhnm cannot understand the reasons that warrant men to be deceitful and murder one another.
Gulliver tries to explain the reasons for war amongst his people to the Houyhnhnm however, in doing so Swift illustrates the pettiness and trivialities that lead men to detest one another and be treacherous. Swift writes (on the reasons for war), “…the corruption of ministers, who engage their master in a war in order to stifle or divert the clamor of the subjects against their evil administration. Differences in opinions hath cost millions of lives…” When viewed through the eyes of Gulliver, who is amongst the peaceful Houyhnhnms we see that war and treachery are simply products of human vices. The master commented that he could not blame the Yahoos for their cruelty, because it was not something that they could control. On the other hand he said that humans were void of reason and had only the quality to increase their vices because Nature did not outfit them as She did the Yahoos, with claws nor a body to maim each other.
“ A Voyage to the country of the Houyhnhnms”, is a remarkable illustration of human nature because it shows humans at their worst (the Yahoos) and a picture of what we should strive to be like (the Houyhnhnms). However in portraying an ideal for society he also points out that we cannot rid ourselves of all our vices because the Houynhnhnms were also very vain creatures. One can learn from these almost comical characters and see that if we succumb to our vices and fight each other then we are no better than the hideous Yahoos.

megladon tooth..found it while fossil hunting ,
arcadia FL

An apple a day

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Now how many of you know this idiom but still doesn't know what it means? Well lets start off by looking at the nutrient content in an apple. An apple is a great source of water, carbohydrates,fiber, protein, minerals,Vits. A, B, & C, iron, and potassium. C'mon people you just can't go wrong there look at the nutrients, compare that to a bag of potato chips. An apple has more fiber content than most hot or cold cereals so imagine getting a serving of dietary fiber every day in that one apple. Many people lack dietary fiber in their diet and this leads to other health problems. If one wants to maintain their cholesterol level why not try an apple first before going to prescription drugs, since it has dietary fiber. I am sure that mister apple has less side effects:D
you know having enough fiber in your diet helps maintain your sanity. As they say, there are two types of people in this world, those who can go and then the poor souls who can't. But we'll save that philosophy for another post:D
so folks an apple a day can sure as hell keep the doctor away and for the other serving of fruit that is recommended why not try a handful of berries , most of them are loaded with fiber and antioxidants.
still not convinced then try this for your reading pleasure
goodapple



Note: If eating an apple scares you, take the apple cut it into bite size pieces and eat the pieces as you would grapes or cherries...its the same strategy as cutting a sandwich into little pieces for kids , I am sure that it would not kill ya.

:S

news article caught my eye:
chic_hijab

once I heard a girl state that she wears the hijab so that she is unnoticed ( WHICH IS BIZZARE IN ITSELF CONSIDERING THAT SHE'S LIVING IN THE US AND 99% OF WOMEN HERE DO NOT WEAR IT SO OF COURSE SHE WILL BE NOTICED, BUT NOW YOU CAN BE FASHIONABLE WITH IT TOO... about the caps ignore it no signifance I just hit the key by accident. anyways she felt that she was compelled to wear it, just tweak the islamic laws a little bit here and there so that at least one can look attractive to a muslim brother while at it. honestly why all the makeup with hijab, cover up but then decide to stand out???)
seems as if it has become pop culture now, well to each his own as they say, going back to my earlier posts let each man choose his path and live his own life.

Now on that note , if someone choses to smoke then fine let them, but what happens when I am eating my apple peacefully because I want to choose something healthier and this moronic smoker comes up to me and starts up a conversation while puffing smoke directly into my face and on my apple as well. he said that I looked like newton with my apple , dare I say what I felt he looked like with a lighted stick coming out of his mouth and puffing smoke for what reason???
I have heard about sharing the love and all that but what I would love to know is why do smokers insist on sharing the toxins?

buddhist wisdom

At a time when people are so conscious of maintaining their physical health by controlling their diets, exercising and so forth, it makes sense to try to cultivate the corresponding positive mental attitudes too.-His Holiness the Dalai Lama, 1963.

In looking at buddhism one wonders why did the west have to go and try to put their influence in it as well. everything is a fad...if you want to be buddhist you have to dress a certain way, shave your head you know look like one of those dudes in one of the many stupid fad forming cheap hollywood flicks.

I am buddhist, I am hindu, I am christian, I can be anything I want, I do not know why it is necessary or why there must be an initation to follow a particular belief. then again why do I even need a religious demonination, what I will say are the teachings that I do not accept:D.

Man is always trying to group things look at linneus he created a system of kingdom, familly, order, genus, species, family, and we find ourselves grouped into the homo sapiens, if that isn't enough now we must group ourselves based on sex, then how about race, add some spice differentiate with respect to culture , even more with respect to position in society, how about we seperate ourselves based on religion now...

okay now going back to buddhism and maybe here I will continue my post on siddhartha, what the reader notices about this character is that they do not really feel for him as a seperate person, because he is every man not a single person. hesse portrayed man and his basal qualities and his ablitty to enlighten himself and find peace. siddharta often said that he only had three skills, he knew how to fast, how to wait and how to think.

Now how many of us lack all three???

looking at man today, even those who call themselves buddhists etc are a far cry from ever finding peace. why? Because we are too concerned with this material life and peering into the windows of our neighbours. we decide that first one must shave their head an give up all worldy posessions, which is not a bad idea, since we feel so much grief from loss and we experience loss only when we thought that we owned something:D

Lets refer to bhagavad gita, 2:56 "...a person whose mind is unperturbed by sorrow, who does not crave pleasures,and who is free from attachment, fear, and anger;such a person is called a sage of steady prana..." Now my fellow buddhists doesn't this sound familiar? Why is there even a seperation between the two? Just exactly what is the difference between buddhism and hinduism and why do we even have to bother with names ?

Now to our own basal qualities, we are supposed to be trying to make ourselves better for ourselves, not so that someone can like us or say look at her she is a good girl. Honestly I could care less and I do not need the compliments of anyone ( except maybe in my resume:D).

How many of you stop and listen attentively to the newest and hottest piece of gossip and will not take the time to examine yourself. It is so much easier to judge another and very carefully pinpoint his/her faults than to look at onelself and see the myraid of flaws in character , at least then we can try to determine how character may be made better and go about life without getting on anyone elses nerves. Then again when we think that character is flawless we just go ahead and ruin it by thinking that we are above others or righteous. now I can say that I am neither good nor bad.


My sister and I had an argument over the symbolism of the river in the novel. ( I know it is pointless to argue since each reader will get his own opinion anyways but still its my sis so it was fun to pick on her).

Now the river spoke to siddhartha and vasudev and even laughed at them sometimes. the thing about the river is that we can look at it as being every symbolic in that it is water which represents life and time etc as it flows or we can simply see it as the river. yes vasudev and siddhartha learned a lot from the river but at the end of the novel we see the truly enlightened vasudev as he goes off into the forest and realises that if he listens carefully he will learn from everything.

Now striking part of the novel, the ferryman Vasudev, without running off to follow the Buddha he had actually found peace and self realization.
It seems as if hesse wrote this book with deep roots taken from the Bhagavad Gita.
I know that my thoughts aren't all coherent but eventually they will merge.

The description of the Buddha in this novel is excellent, he did not ask for followers nor demand that those who follow him dress and behave like him. Siddhartha chose his own path without adhering to a particular faith or ritual and the novel ends with him finding peace.

In sharp contrast to siddharta is his friend Govinda the follower who adopts many differnt paths and eventually follows buddha but is unable to find peace. maybe this is because he did not chose his own path but decided to follow others.

I know that right now this commentary is a bit whack , it is because I was deeply affected by this novel and it has set my mind spiralling with thoughts which maybe I will be better able to clarify someother time. Right now lets call this blog RAW THOUGHTS, and hopefully soon I will be able to refine them and put them in a more readable format:D I hope that I did not confuse you too much.

now on having power back

I was dumfounded today when I walked into my house today at 8 pm and saw lights!
every single room I walked in , I held my breath and my heart pounded as I flicked switches and plugged in appliances, yes! it works...I sat staring at the lights wondering what is this strange glow...its electricity!!! even now I feel a bit apprehensive that I will lose power again and I am saving everything as I type.
this is incredible. I feel like a village girl who has just had her picture taken and is wondering about the image in the photograph, yes that is how amazing the lights are. even little furgito and nemo and stich love having power back, they finally have real bubbles back in their tank instead of having me blow bubbles in there with a straw. furgito keeps on swimming towards the bubbles and opening his mouth widely as if he is trying to get as many as he can before electricity goes again. this is just incredible
but having no electricty is alos a great thing, since it takes us away from the television and we find more uselful means of entertainment like reading wonderful books or having long meaningful conversations:D

siddhartha

I read this book, I am still very much affected by it. I experienced a myriad of emotions while reading this book but in the end I found a deep peace and fulfillment within myself. this book is a very excellent novel cleverly written that takes the reader into the depths of his own personality, one is aware of the character siddhartha, the bramin's son and then one is conscious of themself at the same time. I have much more to say on this book but time does not permit at this moment

Divali 2005

we clebrated divali yesterday even without power and I saw where faith and determination can get a person. My mom was determined that we must do our puja on that day and at 9-11 am we did a puja. I was being miserable and grumpy in the morning but during the puja I felt a calm come over me and I realised the necessity for prayers even when we don't have all utilities. it rained all day and I saw the blessing in the rain as it fed all the poor broken trees and gave them the necessary water to spring back to life.
I was worried about the deeyas and the rain but we lit them anyway and decorated the entire yard. it was beautiful, the rain fell heavily but the deeyas refused to die out, they kept on lighting probaly until midnight. I felt a strong sense of nostalgia as I looked at the little deeyas and I wanted to cry so much. How stupid I had been to even be grumpy, the night was beautiful and magical, I wished that I had more people to share it with, but I am very happy that I had my little family fo five with me.

I take back my words

today we finally got back power after 11 days without it. I said that I was not afraid of wilma, well at 7am when I heard the wind shreiking and howling like a misplaced soul, I was scared. I took a peek under the door and I saw huge trees bowing before wilma's wrath. I could not believe it , wilma had chosen the path less taken. the lights started to flicker in the house and the doors were shaking almost as if the wind wanted to pull them out and grab me from inside the house. then there was darkness. I lay flat on the cold floor looking under the door at the raving wind that seemed determined to destroy everything in its path. there was huge flashes of lights and loud explosions as transformers blew and power lines were ripped down. There was not much rain to accompany this storm rain because the wind was so feirce as fast that it blew the rain away. I took a chance and opened my room door and was greeted with horror to see my beautiful mango tree broken and beaten down in front of my door. there was howling and then suddenly a calm pervaded the air. I was tempted to run outside to assess the damage but we stayed indoors as everyone around the house pitter pattered around nervously. then like a maddened fiend the howling started again, this time more fiercly, the doors started to shake so much, I placed my hand against the glass sliding doors and I swore that they would explode and second. there was awrenching as my room door shattered and then the screen got ripped off. i swore that a tornado was whirling around the house. This kept one for a couple hours and I stayed inside considering the fury that was spinning wrecklessly outside, yet somehow I knew that it would be okay. I knew that nature was furious but I felt her comfort as well...I knew this as soon as I stepped outside, the wind was still blowing strongly, but this time it was more caressing ans instead of shreiking , it was now whispering gently. I smiled brightly because everyone was safe and no one had been hurt. the trees were broken but the wind was kind enough to not uproot any of them, all the trees could now be salvaged. I took a walk around around the neighbourhood and realised with glee that we had just survived a hurricane!

Now cleanup:
that day we did not have any power tools except our own strength. my dad started chopping away at the huge branches of the mango tree that had fallen and my brother, sister and I formed a human chain and cleaned up the debris. the first cold front of the season had come in with the storm and we worked like bysons removing the debris from the yard, proud to realise that we co-operated as a family and got the job done.

One thing that diasasters bring is a sense of brotherhood amongst people. what I saw from this was a kindness eminating from every man woman and child as they did not even consider their own misfortune but struggled to see in what way they could help their neighbour, brother, family.
In this storm it gave a lot of people a break from an otherwise hectic life filled with the annoyances of technology, internet and TV, in that now a family sat down together and talked, laughed, ate, worked. families that were estranged moved in with each other and bonds became tighter.
there is so much that I want to say but I do not know if I am capable of expressing the emotions and atmosphere after the storm. it is as if life stopped for a while and we were thrown back a couple centuries and cities became villages and neighbours finally met each other and spoke for the first time. I did the laundry by hand and I enjoyed it actually. I got up at daybreak and slept at dawn because there was no internet or TV to occupy my time. there was an atmosphere of calm in the air as people stopped bustling about. there was a thick cloud of love in the air and think that everyone frlt it.
two doggies came into yard, they were so beautiful, one wasblack and the other brown. the poor things were hungry and I tried to feed them a cookie but they seemed more interested in the parsad that my mom had thrown under a tree earlier that morning. the doggies stayed and played a while and drank water then went on their merry way.
I would like to think that I learned a lot from this storm and I love florida even with the hurricanes, because the people are so warm here...

wilma, an annoyance

The shutters are down as we await wilma. There has been so many hurricanes and natural diasasters this year that wilma has completely lost her effect of scaring me. Wilma seems like a mosquito compared to the tsunamis and earthquakes of 2005. I see her more as a nuisance than anything else. Not even the overzealous sensationalists of newreporters can scare me anymore about wilma. Ahh,the media, probably the largest misleading industry in the world, but that I will save for another blog. Right now the shutters bother me because I feel caged in. Being claustrphobic, I hate the shutters, it makes me feel like a rat in a hole. I am looking forward to a deep wonderful sleep as wilma bashes everything around me.

rappucchini's daughter v frankenstein

I have highlighted the major parts...read the stories, they are wonderful.
A little factoid on frankenstein, it was written as part of a contest between Lord Byron, Persey Shelly and Mary Shelly. They all decided to see who can come up with the best horror story and in the morning Mary Shelly won when she showed them Frankenstein.

In a world of science, we constantly find ourselves being helplessly spun in the midst of a spiraling chiasm of scientific experiments and research. Sometimes one may chance to come across a newspaper or view a program on television that documents some new wonders of science and we are often left dumfounded and amazed by the miracles of science. However there are instances when we are horrified by some of the schemes that man employs science for. Some of the scientific experiments boarder on the bizarre and evoke emotions of disgust and fear from the onlooker. It is this fear of science and the evils of knowledge and curiosity that has been the fuel for many writers as they craftily spun horror stories that evaded the heart of the reader with a dreadful terror as they created monsters born from the curious tendrils of science. Two stories that reflect the horrors of scientific experimentation are Hawthorne’s Rappaccini’s Daughter and Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. There are certain similarities between Hawthorne’s Rappaccini’s Daughter and Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein that begs sympathy from the reader as we are introduced to the utmost human suffering as the themes of isolation and withdrawal from society is illustrated in these stories.
There are major controversies that act on these scientific experimentations as man wonders whether science is taking away religion and weaving its own cult around the hearts of men. There has always been a dark cloud associated with the study of medicine. In both these stories we see a victim of science, a person who has been created by a doctor as a fearful being. In these stories, society views the individual as a creature rather than a person. Rappachini’s Daughter is a dark romance that tells the sorrowful yet uncanny story of a tragic love affair star-crossed by science rather than fate. The story is set in southern Italy where a young man Giovanni meets the daughter of a mysterious doctor and falls in love with her. However their love affair takes a disastrous turn after Giovanni realizes that Beatrice is cursed with a poison that evades her body and is issued from her breath. The movie Frankenstein introduces us to a doctor who finds the notes of his teacher and decides to experiment despite a warning. Doctor Frankenstein uses various limbs and appendages from different corpses and creates a living being. After creating this creature Frankenstein becomes fearful of his creation and abandons it. The creature after realizing the error of his master seeks revenge on his creator and becomes the monster that society saw him as.
In both Rappaccini’s Daughter and Frankenstein there is a heart rendering portrayal of the theme of isolation that draws sympathy from the reader or viewer. The theme of isolation is apparent from the very beginning in Rappaccini‘s Daughter as Beatrice is introduced. She is isolated from society not only by her father but by her beauty. The setting is important here as she is amongst beautiful, rare and exotic plants and the reader becomes aware that she is the human counterpart of those exotic plants. Beatrice is described as thus, “… here was another flower, the human sister of those vegetable ones, as beautiful as they, more beautiful than the richest of them , but still to be touched with only a glove, nor to be approached without a mask”.
The reader is acquainted with Beatrice in the garden at all times and we never see her out of her sanctuary. She withdraws to the garden because it houses the only inhabitants who can endure her poison, her vegetative sisters. Beatrice loves the plants and she treats them with the tenderness of a mother to a babe. The setting of the garden here is important because it lends to the theme of isolation not only by representing a garden of Eden but it is also contains beautiful, exotic and poisonous species like her so it represents a place of belonging for her.
Setting plays an integral role in the movie Frankenstein as it represents the turmoil of emotions that rages through the creature and shows the seclusion and isolation that he feels. The movie Frankenstein opens with a tempest. This storm not only foreshadows the impending horror in the movie but also gives us a glimpse at the raging sea of emotions that was unleashed in the monster. Unlike Beatrice the monster is not calm and sweet tempered. His outward hideousness is a mirror into the rage that he feels towards his creator. The monster knows that he is horrendous and not acceptable to society and men, so he chooses to live in the shadows and hide from men. In the movie, the theme of isolation is embodied by a forest and ice sea. First the monster takes to the forest and stays there hiding from men learning about himself while hoping to find a companion. However, as he learns that he was created and not born, he seeks Doctor Frankenstein but he opts to stay in the snow while waiting for him. The white of the snow may represent his isolation and the coldness symbolizes the lack of warmth from human companionship.
The theme of friendship and a hunger for love is illustrated in both stories. Beatrice knows only her father until Giovanni comes along. Although she is shy at first, she eventually becomes familiar with him and falls in love. Beatrice’s love is pure and true, probably because she desires friendship and companionship so immensely. Rappaccini knows of his daughter’s need for a companion and tries to create one for her by using Giovanni. Giovanni himself is a handsome youth and Rappaccini probably sees in him the potential mate for his daughter since they are both beautiful and Giovanni is studying medicine just like him.
The first word that the creature utters in the movie is friend; he is desperate for a companion. He shows a compassion and desire to be accepted when he helps a family in the forest harvest potatoes. The family is unaware of his form and fondly takes to referring to him the spirit of the forest. We see him happy in the instances where he is given a present from the children and accepted by a blind old man. He is accepted when one cannot distinguish his form. Human nature plays out as man distinguishes his form, as the men try to destroy or kill whatever frightens them. Doctor Frankenstein creates and Adam but does not bless his creation with a companion. The monster wants a wife and searches for Frankenstein in order to obtain one. He says that he is filled with an incomprehensible love and rage. He wishes for a friend and mate because he says that if he cannot satisfy his love then he will indulge his hatred. However Frankenstein does create an Eve and when she discovers that she is a monster as well she kills herself, leaving both Frankenstein and the monster without a wife to love.
An evident similarity between these two stories is the introduction of the literary “mad scientist.” Hawthorne is noted for his use of a crazy doctors and villainous alchemists in his literature. (Stoher) Both Rappaccini’s Daughter and Frankenstein relate the story of a doctor who toyed with the limits of science in a search for more knowledge. Although Doctor Rappaccini, makes an appearance only twice in the story, he is an integral character since it is his eccentric nature and insatiable thirst for scientific knowledge that creates the very axis of the story, Beatrice and the Garden. A similarity that manifests here is an allusion to the doctors as being God or Creator. Rapaccini created an Eve and then set forth to make her a companion as well. He also created a Garden of Eden and allowed his Eve (Beatrice) to be nourished by it. Rappaccini made his daughter almost invincible and tried to isolate her from society, an even though she as his earthly child she lived amongst the children of his intellect the plants. Maybe one can see that Hawthorne sees a scientist as trying to play the role of God, but we see the fatal mistake here because his creation is destroyed.
Frankenstein embarked upon creating life because he could not deal with death. He said “No one need ever die, I will stop this…” at his mother’s grave. He wanted to cheat death by creating life. A memorable yet eerie scene in the movie is Frankenstein standing atop his experiment screaming Live! Live! as he tried to breath an electrical life to the monster. Frankenstein tried to play God because he wanted to create life instead of fulfilling his duty as a doctor and preserving it. Man can create a monster but he cannot control it. It is here when we can clearly see that science should have its boundaries and man should not use his brother as a test subject.
When science crosses it boundaries and man tries to play God, a sea of pain and regret follows. The scientist, Frankenstein finds the notes which his teacher had abandoned and uses them against his wishes of his teacher in order to create a monster. Immediately after Frankenstein had created the monster he was taken aback with fear as he realizes the consequences of what had he done. In both stories the doctors tried to isolate their creations although one was out of fatherly love and the other fear. In Frankenstein Shelley introduces the reader to the monster right away because he was made for the parts of corpuses. Frankenstein had hoped that since the monster was a ‘newborn’ it would be stricken by a cholera epidemic and die and so he abandoned it. He had resolved to destroy his notes and all evidence of his experiment right after seeing what he had created. He had called the creature vile, malformed and hideous to behold.
The danger of scientific experimentation is clearly shown in pieces of the movies where Frankenstein gathers the raw materials for his experiment. He is comparable to a butcher as he raids graveyards to subjects a pregnant woman to torture in order to obtain the raw materials. He refers to human limbs and amniotic fluid as raw materials in his journal, this is frightening because it shows a lack of human compassion and remorse as man goes through any means to answer the call of science.
Doctor Rappaccini can be seen an even more inhuman scientist because he uses his own daughter as a test subject in his experiment. He isolates her and then tries to right his wrong by experimenting on another innocent person. Doctor Baglioni is even more devious than Rappaccini because he does not even notice the innocent and beauty of Beatrice but instead uses Giovanni as a means to destroy Rappaccini’s creation, while feeding his envy.
Human suffering is depicted in these stories as we see their withdrawal from society. In both stories neither character fights for their life, they calmly accept death which shows that a life of isolation and scorn may lead one to welcome death and maybe wish for it instead of having to trudge through a painful and merciless life. Both characters Beatrice and the monster consider themselves monsters and they are very powerful. In the movie Frankenstein the monster knows of his powers and strength and men fear him because of his appearance. The monster sobs after he is chased out of the house of his only friend and he lets out heart wrenching sobs. He knows that he is a monster and withdraws from society. Both characters portray innocence in them by their longing for love and acceptance, but due to their isolation they simply withdraw from man.
From these stories we learn of our own nature and the cruelty of our fears. Because of fear theses two individuals were isolated from society. We think of the creature as a monster because on may think that it lacks a soul, an entity which can only be given by God, however there are instances in the movie where on may think that it is the doctor who lacks a soul and not the monster. At the end of the movie though the creature shows that he has better understanding than the doctor because he allows his isolation as he realizes that he probably will never be accepted in society, he prefers death with his father (Frankenstein) rather than living a life of isolation and scorn. Here we see a theme of self loathing which is a major factor in human nature, when we feel abandoned and people scorn or fear us we feel as if we are useless and it would be a blessing to society if we were dead.
Beatrice’s death clearly depicts human nature as we see man attempting to perfect what is beautiful and trying to alter Nature or God’s creation to suit his own needs. In this story all three male characters try to change Beatrice and in doing so they all play a role in here demise. (Tharpe) However, when Giovanni scorns Beatrice, we see that she is the only innocent character and that her love is pure, she does not hesitate to drink the potion for love even though it kills her. Beatrice welcomes death rather than being afraid of it, since she realizes that her existence may only cause more grief. However we can look at her death as her liberation from the cage of isolation that she was raised in. Death assumes the role of a liberator for Beatrice since she is now free and cannot be an experiment for the people who governed her life.
From Rappaccini’s Daughter and Frankenstein there are many lessons to be learned. Mary Shelly had said on Frankenstein, “I busied myself to write a story which would speak to the mysterious fears of our nature…” This is true since we learn of human suffering from two unlikely characters. Both Beatrice and the monster are victims of the horrors of science and although these are fictional characters we can imagine the catastrophes that may be unleashed when man tries to assume the role of a creator. We learn of the pain of isolation and the longing for companionship. In Beatrice we see a love that is pure and true and the monster shows an almost childish longing for acceptance. These two experiments of science show more human compassion and feeling than their fathers who sacrificed them for science. We see the lengths man would go to obtain knowledge and his transformation into a monster as he rejects all humanity and becomes a slave to science. These tales portray human nature beautifully and we may learn to accept man with his flaws and to see the cruelty in society’s rejection of that which is different or ugly.